The Trappings of the Unmapped

Yes, I'm still here. Due to the death of a loved one, writing was put on hold for a little while. This is less a statement for others and more a statement to reinforce the fact (to myself) that breaks are sometimes crucial.

I have been experiencing something peculiar with recent writing sessions, however, and it's closely related to reinforcement. I'm not sure how to start this thought without hip-shooting tangential points, so I'll open with this.

Pioneering is tough.

I am not under the impression that I'm doing anything unique with this novel. There is no new ground being broken, and at base it's actually quite simple. When I use the term, I am referring to it in a personal, internal way. You see, there are several elements to this project that I've never seen examples of, and I've recently been catching myself wanting to see something similar. That seems natural enough, but as usual, the ever predictable why comes into play, and I'm urged to reflect.

My initial thought is that creators who seek works similar to what they're trying to do (if only loosely) may be looking for inspiration or some kind of algorithm to success. I can honestly rule both of those things out.

What remains must be the truth, unsavory to me as it may be; I have to admit that it's a desire to affirm my direction.

I'm like a kid in school who's finished his test, but he's looking over someone's shoulder, spying on whatever they wrote. I'm not really trying to cheat, I'm trying to gather information so that I can confirm my answers or consider the ones that don't match.

It should be obvious to anyone who's read even a few entries of this blog that I do not struggle with confidence in my process. That's not a brag, it's a self own: I've been accused of being a little too confident in my processes. But even I am not immune to the urge of seeking maps, paths and guides.

Again, I don't believe that I'm doing anything enormously groundbreaking, but I am cutting far off trail with this story in regards to myself, and the wilderness is laid out in every direction.

Is it exciting? Absolutely, but like any logical adventurer, I want guidance. As I'm the first on this particular path, human guidance is non existent: if I want to read a book about it, I'm going to have to write it myself.

And to a very great extent, that is what this blog is for. That's what I'm doing right now: attempting to shape these obscure ideas and dilemmas into digestible and useful fuel. When one is in the wilderness and the food runs out, you've got to live on the land and take things in stride, it's as simple as that.

But I do feel as if the thought of looking at the works of others should NOT have crossed my mind in the first place. I'll classify that as pure, foolish arrogance. I should not shame myself or others for wanting to do what is natural. There is nothing to be gained by not using the GPS if the destination you're headed to has been plotted before.

But to a greater point, the guidance of others would ultimately be useless. That is because I am cutting this path: me and nobody else. A hundred different writers can pen the same story and you'll end up with a hundred different stories. We can help each other, inspire one another, and even collaborate on occasion, but in all the ways that matter, we who create are each pioneers in our right.

At the end of it all, the best way for me to handle this is to proceed logically with a bit of emotion thrown in, just like a real foray into the wilderness. I need to trust my instincts, my experience and my gut. I need to be cautious, but not overly conservative with my resources: scarcity mindset is the death of innovation. When a tool fails, it's time for me to craft a new one. When the compass breaks, I must look to the stars. The guidance I am looking for is always at hand, I need only to continue trusting in my skills and keeping an open mind.

And if I question why the hell I ventured into the great unknown, all I have to do is remember the reason I started out in the first place.